This afternoon, the Avalanche will face-off against their dreaded rivals, the Minnesota Wild. Let it be known, that I love Minnesota. With both my parents from the Land of 10,000 Lakes, you could say that I’m Minnesotan once removed. I’ve spent many mosquito bitten summers eating hotdish, sunburnt after a full day of fried food consumption at the State Fair, I swear every activity there is centralized around food. I even went to college there, albeit it was only for a semester, and hosted a Minnesota themed birthday party. Heck, I even date a native Minnesotan.*
A family portrait from the "First and Last Annual 'Ya Sure You Betcha Bash' 2013"
But all of that changes when it comes to their hockey team. So much so that I had to call my dad to ensure that all our Minnesota paraphernalia was stored in the bowels of our garage for the remainder of the season, which he assured me it had. If the Wild beat us for that coveted 8th seed, it will remain there well into the late summer months.
I’m sure my hatred stems from Andrew Brunnette’s Game 7 Overtime shot that was to be the last goal scored on Patrick Roy in 2003. Or maybe it is the cheap hit that Matt Cooke had against Barrie that took him out for the rest of the series. However, my hatred towards them has definitely been augmenting since that horrific Game 7 in 2014, when I left the stadium in near tears. The Avalanche have not helped me out in this now much heated rival with losing the last two season home openers in a row to them, in such a fashion as blowing a 3-0 lead, among other woeful blunders.
To be somewhat fair, part of me feels almost bad for the Wild. As if Minnesotans aren’t ridiculed enough for their accents, eating habits, and overall good cheer, you’d think that they could have done better than choosing a remedial overgeneralized team name like the Wild. Which by definition could be anything from a wolf to bigfoot to an intoxicated overweight turd roaming the forests naked in galoshes brandishing a snow shovel for a weapon, now that's wild! How do you suppose they came up with that name anyways? In a boardroom with the team owner, savvy investors and a panel of Minnesota's most creative minds….(Prince, anyone?), or in a kindergarten classroom, just after lunch and right before naptime?
Someone should have told Parise that if he was going to blow his money on tattoos after his career ended, he should have at least included White Castle.
It is this kindergarten branded named club that the Avs must beat today. Going into the final stretch of the season, we cannot afford to trail Minnesota by five points. The Wild enter the Can with four straight wins, and the Avs coming off of a disappointing loss to the Flyers, where the Avs will have to win without Duchene and MacKinnon. The Avs tend to have a history of embarrassing themselves against the Wild. Today, let’s not let a team named by a five year old whose nostrils share alternating occupancy of fingers and chocolate milk bubbles escape the Pepsi Center with a win. Instead let’s suppress the Wild’s bid for a playoff spot, and once the NHL’s second season is to commence finally be able to answer the question of “Where the Wild Things are”....... At home fattening up in 9th place! Go Avs!
*Sorry Peter, bet you wish you had written up that contract now.